"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman." Virginia Woolf

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Sentence-Anna Akhmatova


In celebration of my productivity today and rebelling against any future drive to bust my ass for the next 30 minutes.

And the stone word fell
On my still-living breast.
Never mind, I was ready.
I will manage somehow.

Today I have so much to do:
I must kill memory once and for all,
I must turn my soul to stone,
I must learn to live again

Unless . . . Summer's ardent rustling
Is like a festival outside my window.
For a long time I've foreseen this
Brilliant day, deserted house.

Translated from the Russian by Judith Hemschemeyer

Tonight I can write by Paul Neruda


And maybe just because I like Neruda. He is one of the few reasons that make me want to learn Spanish.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


Pablo Neruda, "Tonight I Can Write," translated by W.S. Merwin, from Twenty Love Poems: And a Song of Despair (New York: Penguin Books, 1993). Copyright © 1993 by W.S. Merwin.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Bit of a rant

Something that really bothers me about the Southeastern heathen community is the fact that we're such a small group but there are so many divisions. I think they're unnecessary. I think if people made the choice to put aside personal differences and work toward the common goal of furthering heathenry, it would be a much larger and stronger community.

I know several people that have been involved with the heathen community that have some really great ideas about developing more Vinlandic heathenry thought. Some of them also happen to be white supremacists/ nationalist. This is a major problem with me. #1 The history of those groups is filled with violence, crime, and deceit. #2 The science they use is inconclusive and outdated. #3 My culture is not synonymous with the color of my skin. Nobody whose family is from the South can say their culture is without 'color'. #4 The other platforms that most of these groups run are counter to what I believe. IF ONLY they disposed of this outdated rhetoric and fought for something that's true and has a future in this world, then they would be good allies.

Also, I understand that symbel can be a place to laugh and joke. It is also one of our most sacred rites. A good symbel will end after much laughing, crying, and bonding. Using language that is unfriendly to the majority of the people present, like cuss words, sexual remarks, etc is inappropriate. If you are too drunk to mind your manners during symbel, then you should excuse yourself. Im afraid this situation was one catalyst in splitting part of the southeastern heathen community. Im not saying symbel should be stuffy and formal, but the horn should be held with a certain reverence.

The power structures in the heathen community, in general, are still forming. Other than the major organizations in the United States: the Troth, the AA, the AFA, etc., individual kindreds and small state and regional organizations are forming. Most of them have informal by-laws and are still in their first generation. Many have not survived, many are quite different than their original form. Have we changed that much as individuals? That we enjoyed each others company so much two or three years ago seems ancient history now. That I supped and drank with friends who have broken bonds of kinship makes me wonder who will not be speaking to each other in five more years.

It seems that many are paranoid at those who hold power. Power in any official or unofficial sense. People in power are often uneasy about relinquishing that power once there are others capable of handling it. Instead of resolving these issues, a break seems more likely. Instead of addressing the real issues at hand, personal issues become the reason for the break. Power hungry bitches and racist bastards. Childish men and bad mothers.

We should be careful about whom we align ourselves with and they should be equally as careful whose counsel they follow. For it seems that the last few years have been fraught with unnecessary conflict. We are family and that should not be forgotten. Individual choices should not automatically be seen as personal attacks. Communication should be paramount. For a few years we can get away with so-called growing pains. But theres a point when our growing faith will be held to a higher standard and demand cooperation to survive.

Bit of a rant

Something that really bothers me about the Southeastern heathen community is the fact that we're such a small group but there are so many divisions. I think they're unnecessary. I think if people made the choice to put aside personal differences and work toward the common goal of furthering heathenry, it would be a much larger and stronger community.

I know several people that have been involved with the heathen community that have some really great ideas about developing more Vinlandic heathenry thought. Some of them also happen to be white supremacists/ nationalist. This is a major problem with me. #1 The history of those groups is filled with violence, crime, and deceit. #2 The science they use is inconclusive and outdated. #3 My culture is not synonymous with the color of my skin. Nobody whose family is from the South can say their culture is without 'color'. #4 The other platforms that most of these groups run are counter to what I believe. IF ONLY they disposed of this outdated rhetoric and fought for something that's true and has a future in this world, then they would be good allies.

Also, I understand that symbel can be a place to laugh and joke. It is also one of our most sacred rites. A good symbel will end after much laughing, crying, and bonding. Using language that is unfriendly to the majority of the people present, like cuss words, sexual remarks, etc is inappropriate. If you are too drunk to mind your manners during symbel, then you should excuse yourself. Im afraid this situation was one catalyst in splitting part of the southeastern heathen community. Im not saying symbel should be stuffy and formal, but the horn should be held with a certain reverence.

The power structures in the heathen community, in general, are still forming. Other than the major organizations in the United States: the Troth, the AA, the AFA, etc., individual kindreds and small state and regional organizations are forming. Most of them have informal by-laws and are still in their first generation. Many have not survived, many are quite different than their original form. Have we changed that much as individuals? That we enjoyed each others company so much two or three years ago seems ancient history now. That I supped and drank with friends who have broken bonds of kinship makes me wonder who will not be speaking to each other in five more years.

It seems that many are paranoid at those who hold power. Power in any official or unofficial sense. People in power are often uneasy about relinquishing that power once there are others capable of handling it. Instead of resolving these issues, a break seems more likely. Instead of addressing the real issues at hand, personal issues become the reason for the break. Power hungry bitches and racist bastards. Childish men and bad mothers.

We should be careful about whom we align ourselves with and they should be equally as careful whose counsel they follow. For it seems that the last few years have been fraught with unnecessary conflict. We are family and that should not be forgotten. Individual choices should not automatically be seen as personal attacks. Communication should be paramount. For a few years we can get away with so-called growing pains. But theres a point when our growing faith will be held to a higher standard and demand cooperation to survive.