Bad Fucking Luck
Ok, so as I'm sure everyone is excited to hear, I am done with my take home test. It's been exciting. You can tell, 'cause I'm blogging (fucking addict).
I want to go to the gym. A odd thing for me to say, if you knew me three months ago. But really, I do. It'd be nice to do yoga for an hour or lift weights or do something other than type. But I am here, in the library, typing. Doing homework, putting off homework, and about to tell the lady in the Honor's college I didn't make a poster for tonight.
Last year around this time I was less than a month from taking off on a 10 week adventure, away from everything and everyone I knew. I was hurried and excited and anxious. Today I wondered to myself if I wanted another grand adventure. I reminded myself I would be moving in two months, and that would be adventure enough. I don't really want to go off to some grand ole place for a long time, or if part of me does, I wish I could just send that part off.
I need to get rid of clutter. Inside my head and inside my apartment. Just go through and start trashing things, because I won't have room for them much longer. My head's running slower than normal becaue my harddrive is almost full and my RAM is almost completely used up just running basic processes.
In some ways my life has been less dramatic than normal. No one has been arrested in the last 10 days, and I have been more or less out of touch with all the usual stuff. I know I create it sometimes for myself, and I've been working on stopping those thoughts. Doubts where it isn't rational, but seem to find their ways in, get caught fairly quickly. I am my own worst enemy and have a tendency to step on my own feet. Well, let's not do that anymore, alright?
I need to have more faith in people, but quietly, so that my faith in them does not intimidate or cause undue stress. I've been listening to my instincts more, but maybe I added a little information today that will help sort out those impulses.
I need much less attention that I get, but it's addictive, much like this blogging. I need to cut back. How about reading a book that has nothing to do with school and everything to do with my own interests. Let's try that.
Everything I want to do doesn't have to be done right now. The opportunities I have missed will not be how I define my life. When is the right time? I've never been a patient person. I'm not busy enough, despite all the things I have to get done. I should volunteer more often or read more. Decide to learn something and go for it. The only time is right now, because if it's later, it will never happen. In some cases, in others I wait. But I cannot wait, because I am not a static being.
So get done fucking talking about it, because right now I have to run.
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